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BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T HEARD THE LAST OF MY AND DANYELLALOT'S CRACK YET.

Posted by maybesane on 2009.03.25 at 18:33
WHY SHOULD CHUCK NORRIS GET ALL THE FUN FACTS?

SO, I PRESENT...

FEI WONG REED FACTS. ALL OF THEM ARE TRUE. WE CHECKED. AND THEN DOUBLE CHECKED.

1. IF YOU HAVE FIVE DOLLARS AND FEI WONG REED HAS FIVE DOLLARS
YOU'RE GOING TO GET CLONED.
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2. THERE IS NO 'CTRL' BUTTON ON FEI'S COMPUTER. JUST A 'PLN' BUTTON.
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3. APPLE PAYS FEI WONG REED 99 CENTS EVERY TIME HE LISTENS TO A SONG JUST SO HE WON'T TAKE IT AND COPY IT.
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4. FEI CAN'T SNEEZE WITH HIS EYES OPEN LIKE CHUCK NORRIS CAN. FEI DOESN'T SNEEZE.
HE PLANS.
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5. FEI CAN'T EAT JUST ONE LAY'S POTATO CHIP. ONE DOESN'T MAKE NEARLY ENOUGH WINE.
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6. FEI WONG REED IS SUING MYSPACE FOR ALLOWING SYAORAN TO GET ONE, WHEN SYAORAN'S SPACE IS CLEARLY FEI'S.
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7. FEI WONG REED DESTROYED THE PERIODIC TABLE, BECAUSE THEY JUST DIDN'T FIT INTO HIS PLANS.
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8. FEI WONG REED CAN KILL/MUTILATE TWO PAWNS WITH ONE CLONE.
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9. GUNS DON'T KILL PEOPLE. CHUCK NORRIS KILLS PEOPLE. FEI WOULD KILL PEOPLE TOO, BUT THAT'S NOT PART OF HIS PLAN
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10. THERE IS NO THEORY OF EVOLUTION. JUST A TEST TUBE OF ANIMALS FEI DECIDED WOULD BE A BLAST TO MIX.
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11. FEI WONG REED DOES NOT SLEEP. HE PLANS.
AND THEN SLEEPS.
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12. THE CHIEF EXPORT OF FEI WONG REED IS ACTUALLY, CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF OF IT BEING 'CHEESE', CLONES.
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13. THERE IS NO CHIN UNDER FEI'S BEAR-- OH WAIT WE LIED. THERE IS DEFINITELY A CHIN UNDER THERE.
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14. FEI WONG REED HAS TWO SPEEDS. STALK, AND PLAN.
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15. THE LEADING CAUSES OF DEATH IN THE UNITED STATES ARE: 1. HEART DISEASE 2. EYE INFECTION 3. SUFFOCATION IN A TEST TUBE
TWO OF THOSE THINGS ARE CAUSED BY FEI WONG REED. I WON'T TELL YOU WHICH ONES.
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16. FEI WONG REED DOESN'T DRIVE AN ICE CREAM TRUCK COVERED IN HUMAN SKULLS, LIKE CHUCK NORRIS DOES. HE HAS HIS HAREMMOBILE.
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17. FEI WONG REED IS YOUR HOMEBOY. YOU AND YOUR CLONES.
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18. FEI WONG REED DOESN'T GO HUNTING. FEI WONG REED EITHER GOES KIDNAPPING/CLONING, OR STABBING
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19. FEI WONG REED USES PEPPER SPRAY TO SPICE UP HIS CROWS.
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20. FEI WONG REED ONCE ROUNDHOUSE CHINNED SOMEONE SO HARD HIS CHIN MADE A DIMENSIONAL RIP IN TIME, AND BY ACCIDENTALLY KILLED AMELIA EARHART WHILE SHE WAS FLYING OVER THE PACIFIC OCEAN.
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21. CROP CIRCLES ARE FEI WONG REED'S WAY OF TELLING THE WORLD THAT SOMEONE'S BIRDS GOT HUNGRY.
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22. FEI WONG REED IS NOT TEN FEET TALL, DOESN'T WAY TWO TONS, DOESN'T BREATH FIRE, AND COULD NOT EAT A HAMMER AND TAKE A GUN SHOT BLAST STANDING, BUT THAT'S OKAY, SINCE IT WASN'T PART OF HIS PLAN ANYWAY.
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23. THE GREAT WALL OF CHINA WAS ORIGINALLY CREATED TO KEEP FEI WONG REED OUT. IT FAILED, FEI STILL GOT A HOLD OF SYAORAN.
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24. MOST PEOPLE HAVE 23 PAIRS OF CHROMOSOMES. FEI WONG REED HAS 72, AND THAT'S WITHOUT THE HELP OF HIS CLONES.
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25. IF YOU ASK FEI WONG REED WHAT TIME IT IS, HE WILL ALWAYS SAY "TWO SECONDS 'TIL." AFTER YOU ASK "TWO SECONDS 'TIL WHAT?", YOU'LL EITHER SEE TIME AND SPACE RIP ITSELF APART, OR YOU'LL WAKE UP LATER WITH A MISSING EYE AND A DEAD TWIN.
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26. WHEN FEI WONG REED SENDS IN HIS TAXES, HE SENDS A CROW WITH BLANK FORMS AND INCLUDES A PICTURE OF THE LAST TAX COLLECTOR IN A TEST TUBE. FEI WONG REED HAS NOT HAD TO PAY TAXES, EVER.
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27. CNN WAS ORIGINALLY CREATED AS THE "FEI WONG REED BROADCASTING CHANNEL", BUT THEN XING SAID SOMETHING ABOUT HOW THAT COULD NOT POSSIBLY FIT IN CNN, AND WE DON'T HEAR FROM HER ANYMORE.
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28. FEI WONG REED CAN WIN A GAME OF CONNECT FOUR WITH JUST THREE MOVES AND A PLAN.
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29. FEI WONG REED ONCE ATE THREE 72 OZ. STEAKS IN ONE HOUR. HE SPENT THE FIRST 45 MINUTES CLONING THE WAITRESS.
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30. WHAT WAS GOING THROUGH THE MINDS OF ALL FEI WONG REED'S VICTIMS BEFORE THEY DIED? WE'D TELL YOU, BUT WE DON'T THINK FREE PORNOGRAPHY IS ALLOWED ON THIS COMM.
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31. FEI WONG REED DOESN'T WASH HIS DISHES. HE CLONES THE CLEAN ONES.
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32. IF YOU SPELL FEI WONG REED IN SCRABBLE, YOU WIN: 52 POINTS, 3 EYES, A CLONE, AND A SURE-FIRE WAY TO MAKE YOUR MOTHER PROUD WITH THE TIME YOU WASTED IN HER BASEMENT.
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33. FEI WONG REED ORIGINALLY APPEARED IN THE "STREET FIGHTER II" VIDEO GAME, BUT WAS REMOVED BY BETA TESTERS BECAUSE EVERY BUTTON CAUSED THE OPPOSITE PLAYER TO STOP HAVING THE ABILITY TO SEE ON ONE SIDE AND START BLEEDING PROFUSELY. WHEN ASKED ABOUT THIS "GLITCH", REED SAID SOMETHING ABOUT HOW HE TRAINED KYLE WELL.
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34. FOOL ME ONCE, SHAME ON YOU. FOOL FEI WONG REED ONCE AND HE'LL SEND YOURSELF AFTER YOU TO FOOL YOU BACK.
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35. CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF, AMERICA IS NOT A DEMOCRACY, IT IS A CLONETATORSHIP.
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36. TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES IS BASED ON A TRUE STORY: FEI WONG REED HAD ONCE CLONED AND EXPERIMENTED ON SOME TURTLES, AND WHEN HE WAS DONE, THE TURTLES WERE SIX FEET TALL AND HAD LEARNED KARATE.
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37. IN THE BIBLE, JESUS TURNED WATER INTO WINE. WHAT WASN'T IN THE BIBLE, THOUGH, WAS HOW FEI WAS THE ONE WHO ORDERED HIM TO DO SO.
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38. IN AN AVERAGE LIVING ROOM THERE ARE 1,242 OBJECTS FEI WONG REED COULD USE TO KILL YOU, INCLUDING THE ROOM ITSELF AND THE VERY CLONABLE DNA YOU ARE MADE OF.
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39. ACCORDING TO THE ENCYCLOPEDIA BIRTTANICA, THE NATIVE AMERICAN "TRAIL OF TEARS" HAS BEEN REDEFINED AS THE TRAIL WHERE THE EYELESS VICTIMS OF FEI WONG REED HAVE WALKED, IN AN ATTEMPT TO SAVE THEMSELVES BEFORE THEY WERE USED AS CLONE PRODUCTION AS WELL.

Comments:


ಇ
danyellalot AT 2009-03-25 22:00 (UTC) (LINK)
WE ARE SO COOL.
maybesane AT 2009-03-25 22:03 (UTC) (LINK)
FEI TRIED TO BE AS COOL AS US ONCE, BUT IN THE END HE JUST GOT FRUSTRATED ENOUGH TO STAB SOME POOR PRAYING MOTHER THROUGH SOME RANDOM DIMENSION HE OPENED.
Mari
kaitou_marina AT 2009-03-25 23:54 (UTC) (LINK)
FEI WOULD KILL PEOPLE TOO, BUT THAT'S NOT PART OF HIS PLAN

LIES!
maybesane AT 2009-03-26 01:44 (UTC) (LINK)
TRUTHS! YOU TOTALLY KNOW YUUKO OR SOMEONE WOULD BE ON HIS ASS MORE THAN EVER IF HE KILLED SOMEONE.





OH WAIT.
Danielle
amestris AT 2009-03-26 00:34 (UTC) (LINK)
THIS IS BEAUTIFUL.
maybesane AT 2009-03-26 01:45 (UTC) (LINK)
FEI WONG REED IS SO BEAUTIFUL, EVEN THE CULLENS ARE DAZZLED.
Mari
kaitou_marina AT 2009-03-26 06:05 (UTC) (LINK)
OH GROSS I JUST THREW UP IN MY MOUTH A LITTLE.
maybesane AT 2009-03-26 07:03 (UTC) (LINK)
:( YOU MAKE FEI WONG REED VERY SAD, YOU KNOW.
Mary
marynyu AT 2009-03-26 01:10 (UTC) (LINK)
FEI WONG RED APROVES OF THIS LIST, AS IT IS PART OF HIS PLAN. IT WILL SOMEHOW END UP CREATING SEVERAL CLONES AND SCREWY TIME-SPACE PARADOXES.
maybesane AT 2009-03-26 01:47 (UTC) (LINK)
OH, danyellalot AND I ARE ALREADY TAKING BETS ON HOW MANY MORE SCREWY THINGS ARE GOING TO HAPPEN IN THIS BEFORE IT'S OVER. I MEAN REALLY, LET'S JUST EVEN RECAP ON MY LAST POST IN CLAMP_CAPSLOCK: MULTI-DIMENSIONAL VAGINAS.
tell me how all this, and love too, will ruin us
xturncoatxiii AT 2009-03-26 01:42 (UTC) (LINK)
I LOL'D.
maybesane AT 2009-03-26 01:48 (UTC) (LINK)
FEI WONG REED APPROVES SO MUCH OF YOUR LOL'ING THAT HE MADE AN EYE-EATING CLONE OF YOU.

HOPE YOU DON'T MIND. :)
tell me how all this, and love too, will ruin us
xturncoatxiii AT 2009-03-26 02:20 (UTC) (LINK)
GODDAMMIT I WANTED TO EAT THAT EYE.

CLONES HAVE ALL THE FUN.
maybesane AT 2009-03-26 07:05 (UTC) (LINK)
WELL THAT'S WHY THEY'RE CLONES. IF THEY WERE NORMAL PEOPLE LIKE YOU AND I, WHO WOULD HAVE EATEN THAT EYE? EVEN IF YOU WANTED TO, WOULD YOU HAVE REALLY EATEN YOUR OWN EYE? (OR YOU COULD HAVE JUST, YOU KNOW, GONE OUT OF YOUR WAY TO MAKE IT A RACE OVER WHO COULD EAT A MAGICIAN EYE FIRST)
tell me how all this, and love too, will ruin us
xturncoatxiii AT 2009-03-26 14:42 (UTC) (LINK)
WELL I COULD HAVE.

I HATE WHEN MY CLONE DOES ALL THE FUN THINGS FIRST.

I WANTED THE MAGICAL POWERS DAMMIT.
The Sparkly Sage of Sarcasm and Witty Quips
chikyuwo AT 2009-03-26 04:24 (UTC) (LINK)
I THINK THIS MIGHT BE THE BEST THING EVER. I'LL HAVE TO LOOK IT UP BUT I'M PRETTY SURE IT IS.
maybesane AT 2009-03-26 07:07 (UTC) (LINK)
THIS IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT THE BEST THING EVER. FEI WOULD BE SO SAD IF HE WAS ONE-UPPED BY FACTS OF HIMSELF.
The Sparkly Sage of Sarcasm and Witty Quips
chikyuwo AT 2009-03-26 21:30 (UTC) (LINK)
OH CRAP YOU'RE RIGHT. NOT PART OF HIS PLAN.
Chloe-girl
grass_angel AT 2009-03-26 10:55 (UTC) (LINK)
I WANT TO PUT 10 AS AN ANSWER TO ALL MY BIOLOGY WORK.
Katu
fullmetalkatu AT 2009-03-26 18:19 (UTC) (LINK)
WHAT THE HELL, WHY DIDN'T I DISCOVER THIS SOONER?

...WAIT, WAIT, I CAN GUESS: BECAUSE IT WASN'T IN FEI'S PLAN.
fullmetal_desu AT 2009-03-26 22:04 (UTC) (LINK)
CHUCK NORRIS IS NOT AMUSED
Chantal
guttergoo AT 2009-03-27 05:03 (UTC) (LINK)
MY EYES, THEY ARE LEAKING.

..AND IT'S NOT BECAUSE ONE HAS SUDDENLY GONE MISSING.
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